All Bar The Bar

A short dark story, set in Pattaya

‘I’VE GOT A problem,’ said Ivan.

‘Yeah, and I’ve got all day to listen to it, I know,’ said Nicky.

‘No, I mean it.’

‘Are you gonna order a beer or study the empty bottle?’

‘It’s alright for you; you own the bar. I have to work for a living.’

‘And running this place is not working enough?’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘Actually, I don’t.’

‘We were mates in England before you came here; you remember how hard I grafted.’

‘Yeah, yeah, you did every minute of overtime you could. Saving for your house. So what?’

‘So what? My darling wife ran off with some Dickhead, and ended up with my, yes, my gaff. Give me another Singha Beer, I need it.’

‘What is this all about? I know your life story, Christ; I’ve heard it enough times.’

Ivan blew his nose on the bar top tissues.

‘I want a loyal, loving woman. Why can’t I find someone?’

Nicky tried to cover his laughter but failed badly.

‘Look, mate, the girls that work in my bar are just that, working girls. They are actresses. They pretend. They make you and others feel like they are the only men in the world. Then, when you go home, they forget you. Get that in your thick head.’

‘You found the woman of your life.’

‘That was different.’

‘Right, it was different for you. Why can’t it be for me?’

‘Do you believe in love at first sight? I was fortunate with my Jinx. She had never been attached; she ran away from her abusive father and ended up with me, her first night in Pattaya.’

‘Why don’t I get that sort of luck?’

‘Listen, I have six girls working tonight. They are not all bride-making material, but half would love to escape the bar business.’

‘Which ones?’

‘That, my friend, you’ll have to discover.’

Early the following day, three of Nicky’s staff were sleeping off the effects of homemade booze. Home-made by Nicky’s wife, it was almost free to brew but expensive when the punters offered the girls a glass or two. It was strong, and when mixed, it looked like the chief ingredient of a cocktail. And when the customer wanted to be sure he was paying for the alcohol, he asked to try it. It did the trick.

If the girls were not offered the chance to earn extra income by sleeping elsewhere, they shared a room behind the bar. Two girls, the older ones, got the double bed. The youngest made do with blankets and a pillow on the floor. They didn’t hear the door open.

Bare feet padded across the room, kicking discarded clothing aside, then crouching to the sleeping beauty on the floor. Her breathing was checked, silent, and comfortable, as were the two in the bed. There was nothing to steal except a few Baht notes in the girls' pockets. Any jewellery was around necks, wrists, and fingers. It was not worth waking the owners for.

The windows were then closed. A rubber pipe passed from the vehicle’s exhaust pipe and through the door, then lay between the bed and the girl on the floor. The thick pipe had stopped the door from closing fully, but the pick-up truck reversing up tight to the door resolved that problem. The engine started smoothly, and the exhaust gas pumped silently into the bedroom.

‘I suppose you’ve all got hangovers this morning?’ asked Nicky.

Only two staff had turned up for the normal eleven o’clock starting time. A weary-looking third rolled up at twenty past. Slowly, they applied makeup, but it didn’t help.

‘Right, girls, look lively; before you start tidying up this place, I need my coffee.’

Nicky took his usual place next to the till and yawned. He checked his watch again and then opened his phone.

‘Jinx, I know you are busy doing the bar’s shopping, but three of the girls have failed to show.’

‘Okay, I’ll ring them. Which ones are not there?’

‘Oh, yes, it’s the three who live round the back of here. I’ll get one of the others to knock them up. We all had a lot to drink last night with Ivan; I’ll blame him.’ He chuckled to himself.

‘Who wants to get the terrible trio?’

A few minutes passed, then a beer bottle-shattering scream, followed by coughing and vomiting.

’What the…’ Nicky shouted and raced to the back of the bar. Young Mem was bent double, arm outstretched and pointing to the open door. Nicky was banging the emergency numbers into his mobile.

‘I don’t know, do I? You’d better get here quick!’

Looking down at the three girls, then feeling for a heartbeat or any sign of life. There was nothing. The ambulance men pushed him aside and then shook their heads.

It was not long before a police car turned up. ‘Well, what happened?’

Nicky and the remaining staff had no answers.

One of the girls said, ‘We all had a lot to drink.’

‘What were you drinking?’

Nicky and Jinx exchanged glances and shook their heads.

‘I was drinking beer,’ said Nicky. ‘The others had a mixture of drinks. Our customers were few and far between last night, but as I recall, they all drank beer.’

The detective looked at the bottles on the top shelf and started opening and sniffing them.

‘And this? It doesn’t smell like Lamb’s Navy Rum?’

‘Eh, no.’

The detective put the bottle in an evidence bag and marched off. ‘You’ll soon be hearing from me.’

The remaining uniformed officers asked questions, notepads open.

‘Christ, what’s going on here?’ asked Ivan as he arrived.

The policeman pulled him across to one side and asked him some basic questions in English. ‘Name, address, were you here last night? What were you drinking?’

‘We found three of the girls dead this morning. It seems the detective thinks they were poisoned. The plain-clothes guy is having the “Ladies Drink” tested.’

‘Yeah, but all the girls but us drank that stuff. How’s Jinx?’

‘She’s fine but hungover, as are the others.’

The front shutters remained half-closed.

‘I didn’t ask you, how are you getting on, back in the UK, I mean?’

‘I hoped you wouldn’t ask. It has been difficult to find work, and I’ve got two cases coming up soon.’

‘What did you do?’

‘I needed some cash for this holiday, for one, and for debts that will cost me a beating if I’m slow paying. A bloke down the local boozer wanted some wheels for his planned bank job. He dropped me right in it. He told the “Old Bill” that I got him the car and that I was part of his gang. Brilliant. My case comes up next month.’

‘The ladies were killed by carbon monoxide poisoning. How could that have happened?’ the detective returned with the news and more questions.

Nicky, Ivan and the remaining staff were asked to accompany the police to the station.

‘Have you got any enemies? Do any of the girls have people that want them dead…?’

The answers were similar, except Ivan’s, ‘I only just got here.’

‘After speaking to the London police, we will keep Mr Ivan Picker for further questioning. The rest of you can go. But don’t leave the city.’

‘Christ Jinx, he was only looking for a soulmate,’ said Nicky.

‘But don’t you think it was a coincidence?’

‘You mean, him turning up when he did? He is not a murderer.’

Later, after visiting the temple, the bar opened. The very solemn owners and staff were happy the bar was empty and did not have to serve any customers.

Noo and Ni talked about the arrival of their regular “boyfriends”, two Brits who work together in Saudi Arabia. ‘I can’t wait for them to get here. I need a break from this place,’ said Noo, with Ni nodding in agreement.

‘Have you noticed that the new girl always wears long sleeves?’ asked Jinx.

‘No, does she?’ said Nicky. ‘You mean Mem?’

‘Yes, strange how you remember her name.’

‘Strange, why?’

‘You never remember our staff’s names.’

‘Noo and Ni are like twins, so getting them mixed up is easy.’

‘No, they are not.’

‘So what? What is this all about?’

‘Mem told me you gave her an advance on her salary. Is that true?’

‘Not exactly. She asked for her salary early this month. I refused. Instead, I gave her the cash.’

‘Oh really, why?’

‘She wanted the cash to pay for a tattoo. The design covered the scars on her left wrist. So the money was as much for the bar. No customer likes to see failed suicide scars. So now, no more long sleeves. Okay?’

Smiles returned, as did customers. Beer flowed, as did “ladies' drinks,” but with real rum. Especially as Ivan was released without charge, he needed to relax with a few “jars” after being locked up and grilled for hours.

‘The UK police are happy to know where I am, but I’d better turn up for my cases,’ he laughed.

Nicky showered and fell into bed. Jinx remained at the bar, cashing up. She then drove to Mem’s tiny ground-floor apartment. She checked front and back; all windows were closed, and the street lights allowed her to make out a still lump on the bed. A hose was connected to the exhaust pipe and taped across the front door handle and keyholes. ‘Not ideal, it will take longer, but I’ve got the rest of the night,’ Jinx said as she started the engine. She leaned on the bodywork and waited.

Shadows moved behind her, then a clump from behind, Jink crumpled to a heap.

‘I thought you’d be coming tonight.’ Mem struggled to lift her boss and carried her indoors.

‘Sleep well.’ She said as Jinx was laid comfortably on the single mattress. The door was resealed, and with the pick-up engine still running, she went to Nicky’s room and slipped naked next to him.

A crash of the door woke Nicky. ‘What the fuck are you doing in here?’ he said as he went to open the door.

‘Leave the talking to me,’ Mem whispered.

Uniformed police cuffed him and marched him to a waiting police car.

‘You are telling me you didn’t know your wife was missing?’ asked the detective.

‘Why was I arrested?’ asked Nicky.

‘We have your friend in the next cell. Did you arrange for him to murder your wife?’

‘Murder? What do you mean?’

The detective clapped slowly, ‘Very good, acting worth an Oscar.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Your wife was found dead this morning. Was she murdered, or was it suicide?’

Two days later, both men were released. The death was recorded as suicide. Jinx murdered the three girls. Both men slummed onto bar stools and gulped beer served by Mem.

‘You remember what I said; let me do the talking. I explained to the police that Jinx had been threatening to kill herself as you had fallen in love with me,’ said Mem. She grinned as she kissed the top of his head. ‘And what better place to do it, my home. Especially as the police found me here.’ She laughed as she caressed her new tattoo, a Thai angel flying upwards.

The END

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