SILENCE, NOT A leaf rustled. Birds stopped mid-wing. The river flattened, not a ripple. Cars halted and tourists froze. My gaze fixed on the deep centre of the water.
Suddenly a gust of breeze flitted my cheek, I shook my head, then skidded from the wet rock I balanced upon. Now, ankle deep in tepid water, my toes toying with stone grit. I sat on the rock. Myna birds sang to encourage flying insects to visit their beaks. Gentle waves tickled my ankles. I looked to the river’s centre as a barge splashed past, the music and singing visitors waved to all watching from the bank.
Tiredness overcame me. Now, safe to return to my home outside the centre of Kanchanaburi. My car crawled to a halt. I returned the rear seats to their normal upright position. Time for a nap, but first I had some tidying and cleaning to do. The Hoover hunted like Thailand’s black panther, watching, pouncing.
My eyes drooped, but bristles itched my chin. I must shave. Gillette did its wonders, face and head, smooth as the baby’s proverbial. The electric razor trimmed the rest of my body hair. Now, I can sleep.
As I nodded, memories invaded my slumber.
‘Yes, please come home with me,’ I said.
‘I shouldn’t, my Dad will kill you, and me,’ Taay said laughing.
‘How will he know? You are here he is in Bangkok.’
‘I’m only joking. I’m a big girl now.’
She hugged me close. I remember stretching my chin up and away, studying the pub’s decorative lights. She reached up placing her dainty nose on my chin and sniffed.
‘Why do you Thais do that?’
‘We don’t kiss in public, so we sniff,’ she pulled away laughing and grabbed the remains of her wine.
After checking I had no lipstick on my face I drained the remains of my soda water.
After opening the car door I brushed her set clean, she slipped across and leant across to the driver’s seat.
‘Careful when I’m driving.’ We moved off.
She slung her jacket on the sofa before I had a chance to offer a clothes hanger. The arms of her discarded top taunted me. She moved for a kiss, a real one. But I had to store the garment.
‘Make yourself at home, I’ll fetch you some wine.’
As I pulled a cork I failed to still the sight of her feet on my coffee table.
‘Do you think I should?’ She asked as I offered the goblet.
‘One more won’t make any difference,’ I said.
‘Don’t you drink? Even when you don’t need to drive.’
‘What if I had to take you home?’
‘But you don’t have to think about that. Do you?’
I moved her legs up onto the sofa cosied up to her and stroked her lush bubbly black hair.
‘What colour would your hair be? I mean if you let it grow.’
‘My hair is fair, I guess you’d call it. Not really blonde, but blondish.’
‘How lovely, why don’t you grow it?’
‘How about you shaving your hair?’ I asked.
‘It is shaved,’ she smiled. Then noticed my look. ‘Oh, my head? That will never happen. I’ve no plans to be a nun.’ She roared.
‘Do you think girls are ugly with no hair?’ I asked.
‘There was that actress, what was her name, an American girl in an old Bond film?’
‘You mean, Grace Jones.’
‘She was pretty. But Thai girls with no hair are unfortunate or in the temple,’ she laughed.
I poured more wine. She tucked her legs under her as I moved to the kitchen.
‘Time for you to drink?’ she asked.
‘No, just need to fetch something.’
‘Drink up.’ I said as I placed scissors and razors on the table. I flapped open the apron cape. ‘It is clean, straight out of its packing,’ I said.
‘What are you doing?’ she slurred. ‘Some dirty sex game?’
‘Far from it. I expect my women to be clean.’
She smirked then pushed me away. As she attempted to stand. The silly girl fell over.
Some strands of her hair were on the sofa. Disgusting, and I have to clean it. I started to dress her with the cape as she sat on the floor. I sat behind on the settee. Perfect, I could reach my equipment and hold her firmly with my legs. Her head dropped forward, even better, not a word from her as I lifted a clump and chopped away.
‘That’s better,’ I said polishing her head and admiring my work. ‘Now for the photos.’
I unbuttoned her top and eased it over her shoulders. I put the phone camera to my eye.
‘Arch, what is that?’ I jumped back.
Taay had hairy armpits, admittedly not much, but enough to put me off. Her mumbling began as she stirred.
‘What have you done?’ she screamed, hands to head. The drunken girl wobbled as she reached for a razor, slashing and thrusting at me. Her cut hair was going everywhere as she tugged at the robe.
‘Now look at the mess you’ve made.’
I ducked the blade and punched her jaw. Taay hit the floor and started bleeding.
‘This will take me ages to clear up,’ I moaned.
I went to the garage where the household doors I had replaced were kept. The previous renters had young children, and sticky little fingers all over the place, hence the new doors. And the old ones came in useful.
A hideous pink door was resting from the coffee table to the sofa. Taay was not too heavy so I rolled her on top. Sticky tape fixed her to the wood. Now, I had a huge problem, should I take her to the car, or should I start cleaning?
I checked the time, better to be rid of the female mess before the morning lights the river.
At the river’s edge, I affixed rocks on ropes to her body and doused the door and its passenger with petrol. Wading waist deep, I lit the fuel and shoved the craft as far as I could. It sailed slowly until the burning door sank slowly. I would have preferred it to float nearer the middle. But never mind. I stood and watched.
The morning sun crept over the distant trees. Stillness and quiet, then the wind blew again and gradually life returned to the river’s edge.
‘Now, how many doors have I left?’
Maybe one day, a girl would like a bald head and decide to stay.
The END
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weirdly good